RELATIONSHIP COACHING

How do you date in sobriety? Whether you’re new in sobriety or have some sober time under your belt, learning to date without drinking or using drugs can feel daunting. You may be asking yourself all kinds of questions:

 

• How long should I be sober before I start dating?

• How will I meet someone?

• Should I date only other sober people?

• Will I be okay dating people who drink?

• When should I disclose my sobriety or recovery journey to someone who doesn’t drink?

• Will they be scared off by my sober status or the things I have done while I was drinking or using?

• How will I be able to kiss someone without being buzzed? 

• What if I've never had sex sober?

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If you’ve asked yourself any of the above or similar questions, you are not alone! Learning to date sober takes practice.  Re- learning how to approach dates and relationships as healthy, sober people takes time.

 

Below are three of my favorite tips for beginning to date sober.

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1.  Put your sobriety first.

Do not endanger your sobriety. No date is worth putting yourself in harm's way.

 

While I strongly suggest spending the first year of sobriety single, regardless of how much sober time you have, make staying sober priority number one. You must protect your sobriety!

 

This may mean suggesting dates that will not involve drinking, like going on a walk at a nearby park.  You also probably want to avoid meeting in a bar or a restaurant that you associate with your old drinking days.

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If you ever feel uncomfortable or tempted to drink on a date, remember that you can always cut the date short and leave.

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2.  Clarify what you truly want out of dating.

Do you want to date just to meet new people and have fun? Are you looking for a serious relationship? Maybe something in between?

 

There is no right or wrong answer to the above questions, but getting clear on your reasons for dating before embarking on your first sober date will help guide you along your journey. If you know you want a serious relationship and you go on a date with someone who says they’re not looking for anything serious, then you will know that’s not your person. However, if you go in unclear about what you want and then find yourself attracted to someone who knows what they want, you may do yourself a disservice by adopting their preference, only to later discover that you wanted something different all along.

 

Save yourself the time and heartache by clarifying your relationship ideals so that you can stay true to yourself throughout the dating or relationship process!

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3.  Be yourself.

A lot of alcoholics and addicts struggle to feel comfortable in their own skin. Many of us drank in order to feel more confident, funny, and adventurous (I know I did!). But showing up sober and learning to be more comfortable in your own skin is the majority of the recovery process.

 

You don’t have to put on a show for your date. Showing up confident in who you are and that you are worthy of love and companionship is critical in any dating scenario, regardless of whether you're in recovery. After all, don’t you want to learn who your date truly is rather than getting to know a façade?

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If you have read this far, commend yourself on bravely considering and venturing into the fabulous world of sober dating and relationships! From personal experience, I understand the trials and tribulations of sober dating, and I can attest that sober dating is better than drunk dating.

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I’d love to be a resource for you on your sober dating journey. If you would like to discuss your ideal dating or relationship experience, schedule a complementary clarity call, in which we will focus on your dating and relationship ideals and goals for 30 minutes. If, at the end of the 30 minutes, you want to hear more about working with me or resources that I recommend free of charge, we can do that as well.

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Happy sober dating!

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Lily