Fake it 'til you make it isn't a long-term strategy.

"Fake it 'til you make it" is good advice sometimes. For example, when we're nervous before speaking at a conference or meeting and imposter syndrome sets in, embracing this mantra helps us move forward, knowing that our confidence will catch up to us as we get through our first few sentences.

Sometimes, we have to force a smile (and fake it until we make it) to get through the day. Clinging to this catchphrase can also help us do something good for ourselves, even when we're dreading it or feeling low.

Oppressing Our Feelings = Misery

How often do you say you feel "great!" when you feel anything but? That's ok when it's not an appropriate time or place to open up, you aren't ready to feel and process your feelings, or you aren't with people you trust with more than "great" as a reply.

But continuously oppressing our real feelings only leads to misery long-term. 

When I was working at a big law firm, on the outside it looked like sunshine: big cases, polished shoes (lots of them!), all the boxes checked. Inside, however, storm clouds festered.

While I knew something was amiss - that I wasn't as happy as I was acting - I thought I "should" be happy and needed to fake it 'til I made it . . . But made it where? Made what? Where could I find the directions for this IT?

Feelings Aren't Right or Wrong, Good or Bad

Thankfully, today I don't feel the need to fake happiness or suppress or avoid my feelings. I know that feelings change - sometimes in a second - and my feelings don't define me.

If you're exhausted from putting on a facade and faking "great!," I hope you'll consider the following about feelings:

• There are no "right" or "wrong" feelings.

• As humans, we will not always feel amazing; we will sometimes feel extremely low; and we'll frequently feel somewhere between these two ends of the emotional barometer.

• Yes, certain emotions - happy, loved, calm - feel good, and we naturally want more of the good! That doesn't mean that it's "right" to feel happy and "wrong" to feel unhappy. You naturally won't enjoy feeling unhappy, lonely, or anxious, yet these feelings aren't "bad" to feel.

• All feelings provide us with data to discover what's beneath the surface.

Feel Your Feelings

It is so important to feel our feelings. Avoiding them can make us sick, and even when we think we have a tight lid on them, they leak out at work or at home, usually in ways we aren't proud of. Avoiding them and faking it long-term = exhaustion and burnout.

I always encourage clients to actually feel whatever emotions arise rather than automatically diverting to "happy" and "good." If we don't feel them, they'll still be there - waiting. Don't be afraid to shine a light on what's dark and scary. That's the only way to see what it actually is!

Unmask with Safe People

You are not alone on this journey, but it can feel like it, I know. The masks we wear can become second nature, and it can be scary to start taking them off.

I began to lift mine once I found an understanding, trustworthy support system to help and guide me. Today, I get to help and guide others along their paths.

Please be discerning when deciding with whom to explore and share your internal weather – and that it's in an appropriate setting. You don't need to disclose everything to everyone wherever you go. You can still be honest and genuine without sharing your fears in the supermarket checkout line.

An Exercise to Help Tap Into Your Feelings

Sometimes, we don't know what we're feeling. To help, I've outlined an exercise below for you. It's best to find a quiet, private place to do this: a private office or empty conference room at work, your car at lunch or at home.

Take a few minutes to check in with yourself. You may prefer to do this sitting or lying down.

Close your eyes and breathe normally.

Observe your breathing for five breaths, without trying to change anything.

Scan your physical body, noticing without judgment whatever physical sensations exist.

How are you feeling physically? Be honest with yourself; there's no right or wrong answer.

Next, notice any emotions moving through your body and mind. How does your internal weather feel right now?

Are there any emotions or thoughts that need your attention? If so, when can you tend to them, and do you have a trusted friend to support you?

Finally, acknowledge your willingness to peek below the surface of "good" and "great!" to the true you. That takes courage!

If you need a guide to help you begin removing your mask, please reach out to me. I'd be honored to assist you.

Sending you love, peace, and light.