High-Emotion Holidays:

Everything in our lives constantly changes. We tend to notice the big changes; we cannot see the infinitesimal, microscopic changes like cellular turnover; and even if we're highly aware of certain changes, our reactions to them also change over time and circumstances.

The holidays can amplify our focus on and feelings about life changes, and it's normal to compare previous years' holiday festivities to this year's.  

Things Hit Differently during the Holidays

For example, I recently came across this photo from Christmas 2020.

What a different world! We were Covid-quarantining, our family work schedules didn't allow us to be together on the "day of," and - most notably for me when I saw this pic - my beloved Hank (on the right) departed his physical body in Spring 2023. Yes, time has passed, and I don't ruminate on his absence, yet seeing this photo during the holidays pulled at my heartstrings differently than it would in, say, March.

Without labeling them as good, bad, positive, or negative, many of us have experienced change in one or more of the following areas during 2025:

• Health (physical, mental, spiritual)

• Occupation

• Family Structures (marriage, divorce, engagements)

• Family Members (birth, death, pets)

• Lifestyle

• Living Environment

• Habits/Patterns (getting sober, change in workout routine)

• Financial Stability

Even if you can't point to a specific change, you may not be feeling as festive as you'd like or think you "should." Or you may be feeling the effects of a loved one's struggles, which can impact you significantly, even when you aren't directly involved.

All this to say: Your holidays probably look and feel different this year!

If you are feeling super merry - great! If you feel less than merry, that's ok and you aren't alone.

When the Merry Meter Doesn't Run High at the Holidays 

Regardless of where you fall on the merry meter, you probably know at least one person struggling right now, so here is a gentle suggestion in the hopes that it serves you or a loved one.

What you resist will persist. Everyone wants to feel happy. So whenever we feel an emotion we deem "bad," such as anger, jealousy or sadness, we naturally resist.

We immediately shove anger aside, forcing a "better" thought on stage. But the anger remains, and it will linger, fester, and grow unless (and until) we address it.

When an "undesirable" feeling arises, you don't have to ruminate on it, wallow in it, ignore it, or distract yourself from it it. Instead, acknowledge whatever is bubbling up and sense whether you can address the feeling with a kind word or action.

Example:

You've been missing a family member who passed away, and the holidays feel extra-heavy as you wish he/she was here for your family holiday traditions. (Note: missing your loved one may manifest in ways other than sadness, including anger, bitterness, or jealousy.)

Whatever feeling(s) arise, acknowledge them.

"I'm feeling angry that my friend still has both of her parents to celebrate with, but she doesn't appreciate them and complains about having to host them."

Emotions like anger often mask a deeper emotion, so delve a little deeper.

"Oh, that's not it . . . I'm not angry. I'm feeling envious because I wish my parents were still alive, and I'm sad I don't get to celebrate with them."

Once you've acknowledged the emotion(s), without pushing them away or distracting yourself from feeling them, try asking yourself what you could do to comfort them (like the feelings are small children).

It's okay if you aren't immediately sure what would feel kind or nurturing. My clients usually experience significant relief when, after identifying and staying with the "yucky emotion," they can say something like, "this makes sense because ___ ."

"It makes sense I'm feeling sad and missing my parents more than usual over the holidays. It means I loved them and cherish our holiday traditions and memories. And I'm grateful for the time we had together."

*This process does not require a lot of time, and it becomes easier with practice. However, please seek professional assistance whenever needed.

Finally, recognize that by acknowledging the challenging emotions, you've taken a tremendous step forward in healing and self-care.

Practical Application: Ask Yourself

• What is something new or different about this holiday season for you or a loved one?

• How might you employ the above process to address challenging emotions

Need a Guide to Help?

If you need a guide to help you process your feelings in a healthy way, please reach out to me. I'd be honored to assist you as your coach.

Sending you love, peace, and light.